Mark Sanford's Soul Mate!


I've stayed away from the Mark Stanford story -- you'll find no blog posts about it here, to this point. For those of you who don't know the story, Mark Sanford, the conservative governor of South Carolina, who perhaps in the interests of showing his fiscal bona fides in the hope of a future presidential run turned away stimulus money (a decision that upset his Republican colleagues in SC as much as it did Democrats). Then, the governor went missing -- apparently he was "hiking the Appalachian trail," sans security detail. This, we learned was a regular occurrence, for he liked to get out in nature by himself. Then we learned that the governor, who had been incommunicado had turned up in Buenes Aires. How he got from the Appalachian trail to South America, was difficult to fathom. But then we learned that he was visiting his mistress. I've recently learned that the phrase "hiking the Appalachian Trail" has become an euphemism for cheating on your spouse. I don't plan to do any hiking on that trail, anytime soon! I'm going to Lake Michigan with my wife to celebrate 26 years of marriage instead!!

I didn't say anything about this until now, because, well, I didn't want to politicize the issue or even moralize about it. Such things have been happening for centuries, and it crosses party lines -- though many of the recent Republican offenders had been known for their own self-righteous condemnation of other's moral failures.

So, why speak out now? Well, I got perturbed when he spoke of his lover being his "soul mate" and then had the gall to say that he hoped to "fall back in love with his wife." Now, I don't know about Mrs. Sanford, but my wife heard this as a slap in the face. If I said something like that, you can bet I'd be out on my ear. I don't know Mrs. Sanford's reasons for standing by her man, but that statement is an insult to her. I mean, what he's saying is that he really wants to live with his Argentine Girl friend, but political expedience means that he has to stay with his less than a "soul mate" of a wife.

So, here' comes my soap box speech. This who idea of a "soul mate" is asinine. Can I say it any stronger! It is an invention that is marketed by people who want to convince us that they can help us find that special person who will meet our every need. People look high and low for that "special" person, and they ignore people standing right before them who would make wonderful partners in life, because well -- they're not a soul mate. And then, in search of that special person they spend lots of money on services that match you up. It's all wonderful, until you discover that you have differences, that you're not always 100% satisfied and then you begin the search again. Fortunately there are other professionals out there who market their services to help us get that divorce, so we can move on to future happiness in the arms of another, and another, and another.

I'm sorry, but no one meets every need. And when we marry we covenant together to live together through thick and thin, whether we always agree on everything or like everything. Yes, we make we mistakes. We might even stray. But don't give me this business about being "soul mates." I've been married 26 years, and we've had our struggles, like every couple. We're not exactly alike. Cheryl and I have different interests. I love her, she loves me. When we've got issues we try to work them out. Are we soul mates? Yes, but only because we've worked at it, and we realize that neither of us is perfect -- or perfectly matched. Just take a look at my study and you'll realize that after 26 years, I still can't keep things straightened up!

So Mark, here's my advice. If you think you want to work things out with your wife, then never, ever, again use the words "soul mate" to describe your mistress.

And as a last word -- please, world, stop using the phrase "soul mate." Please!!!

UPDATE
Let me update my comments slightly -- It was brought to my attention that Jenny Sanford is not standing by her man -- not divorcing him, but putting him on notice to stay away until he's worked this out -- but is willing to give him another chance. That is fine. But it doesn't change my diatribe about "soul mates."

Comments

Steve said…
Amen and AMEN! I couldn't agree with you more. And let's add to the banishment pile the notion of romantic love, another myth of devastating results. When people believe that love "just happens" and that you can fall in and out of love by forces beyond their control, they set themselves up for marital failure all the while affording themselves of the perfect excuse: "Obviously not my soul mate."
Jennifer said…
I live in South Carolina and I am ashamed of my governor. People don't fall out of love, they fall out of commitment. I have always thought that government figures should set an example for the people- This is no example. I pray for him and his family; especially his family. I can't imagine what his wife feels but I can say I know if it was my husband I know what he would be feeling about now..lol. It's a shame vows set before God mean nothing to some people.
John said…
Frankly, he sounds to me like he's becoming emotionally unstable. Too many public statements and too little damage control for a politically astute person who is control of himself. And the gratuitously offered public self-disclosures about his extra-marital activity - how bizarre! - how utterly irrational!

I cannot imagine what is going on in the hearts and minds of his family members - but it can't be healthy.

He needs to stay away from the press and focus on gaining control over his life. In fact, he should probably resign, as an act of emotional self-defense - for himself and his family: it is going to be nearly impossible task to work this through in a meaningful and healthy way, while under such intense public and political scrutiny.

They all need prayers.

John
Anonymous said…
John says, And the gratuitously offered public self-disclosures about his extra-marital activity - how bizarre! - how utterly irrational!

How uterly christian! I'm sorry, but you all sound like you've never been in love.

I say, make sure it's the real deal- on both sides!- when you first commit. I'm sure there are other sides to this story, although I haven't all the facts.

Anyway, yeah, it's sad.

David Mc
Anonymous said…
oops. Make that how utterly human.

If this guy's so bad, why does she keep him?

David Mc
George said…
I say, make sure it's the real deal- on both sides!- when you first commit.

Funny. Seriously. Buyers?
Anonymous said…
Sadly, in today's "best life now" culture, the first question is when will she leave him. Hopefully they are committed to working it out and if so, could be a beautiful witness to the world.

As for soul mates.. I think eharmony made up that term as a marketing piece. What does that even mean? Its basically about what my feelings are with another person.. which as any married person knows, is a completely selfish and hardly "sacrificial" love.

Chuck
John said…
As for "soul mates," whether you accept the notion as a possibility or as pure fantasy, one need only read the Song of Solomon to see that the notion is much older and more venerable than eharmony.

I think some few of us are graced with it and others of us have to nurture our relationships into such a posture. If we embrace our covenants with as much passion as we embrace our lovers, we might succeed.

John
Anonymous said…
I was married 26 years, 13 each (and counting for ever on the second). The differences in the relationships are staggering.
Mark is likely a slime bag, but marriages don't always work out.
I suspect the public nature of their relationship kept them together too long, or helped break them up.

Yeah George, love is free, but you need to buy into marriage and make sure your partner is totally on-board no matter what (even if their "past love" gets divorced in the mean-time). David Mc
George said…
I was just trying to get a rise out of you. It worked. ;-)
Anonymous said…
Cool Geoge. Keep it up!

David Mc

Popular Posts