tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post7724782738567412691..comments2024-03-28T10:26:20.408-04:00Comments on Ponderings on a Faith Journey: Good News About Grief -- Maybe what we've learned is wrong!Robert Cornwallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04581876323110725024noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-77269240824878494062011-01-28T06:36:01.867-05:002011-01-28T06:36:01.867-05:00Alan Wolfelt has done tremendous work in this area...Alan Wolfelt has done tremendous work in this area. Society does not want to deal with grief at all. It's dressed up to look like life, and people become impatient when their friends, loved ones do not move on. It's a long process, and there are many factors that affect one's ability to reconcile, not recover from, their grief. The book helps us to dialogue, but I fear it may be a fascile treatment that reinforces the shallow attention given by many who do not want to acknowledge the emotional earthquake that has occurred in others' lives because of their loss.LJMichaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11985857811302255228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-81894321722742346152011-01-27T10:57:14.983-05:002011-01-27T10:57:14.983-05:00Joanne,
Thanks for the reminder. In the article...Joanne, <br /><br />Thanks for the reminder. In the article the author notes that we should focus our attention on those struggling with traumatic death, rather than focus so heavily on grief in general.Robert Cornwallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04581876323110725024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-3773528704492237622011-01-27T08:55:28.735-05:002011-01-27T08:55:28.735-05:00I'd like to point out that no one is talking a...I'd like to point out that no one is talking about traumatic death- ie, the deaths of babies and children, horrifically traumatic for parents. Please consider reading this piece:<br />http://drjoanne.blogspot.com/<br /><br />Thank you.Dr. Joanne Cacciatorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10863060782827061955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-11483508735241308012011-01-19T13:17:07.800-05:002011-01-19T13:17:07.800-05:00Brian,
I am taken by your suggestion that to chal...Brian,<br /><br />I am taken by your suggestion that to challenge another's way of handling grief may be passive aggressive. I can see that. <br /><br />We are all confronted by situations of grief in our lives, and we all wonder whether we are being appropriate (should we cry? why haven't we cried? why have spent so little thought on the death? are we obsessing? did we love them too much? too little? will we grieve later? have I been grieving for years and didn't know it? etc, etc,).<br /><br />And in the face of such feelings we note other's grief and we wonder at their way, and we begin to judge. (YOU NEED TO GRIEVE MORE. YOU OBSESS TOO MUCH. YOU NEED COUNSELING. IF YOU DON'T GRIEVE NOW IT WILL BE WORSE LATER.)<br /><br />Is it possible that we are merely echoing our own feelings toward our own grief? <br /><br />Thanks for giving me something to think about.<br /><br />JohnJohnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06245470576919732592noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-49901397611086898342011-01-19T10:24:20.957-05:002011-01-19T10:24:20.957-05:00The term 'resiliency' is kind of value-lad...The term 'resiliency' is kind of value-laden. We don't know what is going on inside of anybody. People who grieve in a manner that is not 'resilient' are not emotionally weaker. People who appear 'resilient' are not emotionally stronger. People who need therapy are not emotionally weaker. People who don't go to therapy are certainly not stronger, as it takes remarkable strength to really engage in self-awareness. <br /><br />I enourage caution. As Bob says, there is no one size fits all. Often standard symptoms of grief (sadness, anger, etc) will show up 6 months (or more) later. <br /><br />I caution against calling funerals "Life Celebrations". Give people permission to show sadness. They are not weak for doing so. Jesus wept when his friend died, yet who is more resilient than the Risen One? <br /><br />There is truth that everyone grieves differently, as K-Ross says herself, there is also truth that some show signs of denial of grief. Certainly we should respect their denial, as it can be part of someone's grieving process as well. <br /><br />When discussing grief, we will have to be extra careful not to engage in passive-aggressive statements. (Bringing the topic up because we're upset at somebody's behavior.) Doing so as clergy would be an abuse of authority.Brianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18396901667077846319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-1108867320346203882011-01-19T08:07:53.142-05:002011-01-19T08:07:53.142-05:00Thanks everyone for the comments. As I read the a...Thanks everyone for the comments. As I read the article, I realized that this was an important opportunity to start a conversation about how we deal with grief.<br /><br />The reality is that everyone deals with it differently. We need, especially as the church, to be present but we also need to be wary of any one-size fits all solutions.<br /><br />And resiliency in the face of loss can't be seen as somehow inappropriate.Robert Cornwallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04581876323110725024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-23730447256786018872011-01-18T19:59:17.357-05:002011-01-18T19:59:17.357-05:00"But let's remember to remove our shoes, ..."But let's remember to remove our shoes, for someone's grief is sacred ground."<br /><br />I like that Brian. Nice metaphor. Not practical in our culture...phew.Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16496392728357471483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-82660635939703087232011-01-18T19:45:51.663-05:002011-01-18T19:45:51.663-05:00corrected grammar.
We need to consider the conte...corrected grammar. <br /><br />We need to consider the context. If the loss was traumatic, as in a freak accident, or as a crime victim, that might be helped with therapy.Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16496392728357471483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-72928098195422207582011-01-18T19:43:56.418-05:002011-01-18T19:43:56.418-05:00I lost my Dad on new years eve. My right, lower ey...I lost my Dad on new years eve. My right, lower eyelid twitched for about a week and 1/2.Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16496392728357471483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-87663302809993277082011-01-18T19:41:37.050-05:002011-01-18T19:41:37.050-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16496392728357471483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-68135935451788207052011-01-18T14:29:20.506-05:002011-01-18T14:29:20.506-05:00Great post. I think K-Ross was helpful in realizin...Great post. I think K-Ross was helpful in realizing that people do have these reactions, but I don't think that she even suggested that they went in linear stages. <br />Removing the shoes myself...Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13940292005377132741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22980286.post-59826460343198389272011-01-18T09:27:26.295-05:002011-01-18T09:27:26.295-05:00There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Just be...There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Just being there, even sitting in uncomfortable silence, can often be very comforting. <br /><br />We can honor each person's/group's grief. As Bob says, we can walk with them. But let's remember to remove our shoes, for someone's grief is sacred ground.Brianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18396901667077846319noreply@blogger.com