Job Description -- Pastor's Wife
Cheryl immediately gravitated to an article in this week's Time entitled: "What God Joined Together." It's about Pastors Wives (PW hereafter). This isn't surprising, since this is about her. Being a PW isn't easy! In fact, it can be a thankless job (a non-paying one).
The article begins:
HELP WANTED: Pastor's wife. Must sing, play music, lead youth groups, raise seraphic children, entertain church notables, minister to other wives, have ability to recite Bible backward and choreograph Christmas pageant. Must keep pastor sated, peaceful and out of trouble. Difficult colleagues, demanding customers, erratic hours. Pay: $0.
Like many of today's PWs (70%), that's not her primary job. She's a teacher, mother, wife, human being, and by default a PW. She didn't choose it. In fact it was never on her horizon. When we got married while I was in seminary I thought my future would be in academia not the pastorate (so not to worry). And her first experience (my last parish) wasn't always positive. In my current position, things are much better, of course we live 50 miles from the church!!!
The article describes the advent of online support networks of clergy wives -- most of which appear to be Evangelical in orientation (not sure what that says). In the article by Lisa Takeuchi Cullen, we learn that the biggest challenge is loneliness and that about 80% of PWs feel unappreciated or unaccepted by their husband's congregation. This makes for a stressful situation -- lonely and unappreciated, it's probably no wonder that ministry places a major strain on marriage (one reason why the divorce rate stands at 50%).
Cheryl mentioned the article to some of her church friends and they were kind of surprised by this. But until you've been one, it's kind of hard to know what its like. Indeed, I really don't know what it feels. I know what Cheryl tells me, but!!! To get an idea, you might check out a PW blog or two. Among those mentioned by Time are Not Your Typical Pastor's Wife and The Rebellious Pastor's Wife. I think that my wife definitely fits this latter definition -- she's her own person!!!
Comments
The truth is, being a Pastor's wife is difficult, even under the best of circumstances. Being a PK is difficult. And no one really understands.
I think what these two blogs do, whether you agree or disagree with them is give an outlet for saying what you want to say, something that most clergy spouses find difficult.
My son is loved by the people of the congregation, but you're right, there are expectations of what you're to believe or not. Though I think behavior is the biggest issue. PK's are expected to be examples and that's really not fair.
I'm curious to know what struck you as being angry? Most people don't really see that in my blog, and it is not the intention that I try to portray.
I am not rebellious in that I am angry about being a pastor's wife. It is simply a forum to discuss things that matter to me.
So, thanks, both of you, for sharing!
My husband thankfully responds that my 1st and most important duty is our family... and that i will help where I feel led.. but that I should not be pushed or made to do anything just because of who I am.
I am thankful for this! because Ive seen so many pastors wives forced into serving where they dont feel called... yet do it because the church demands it.
Thanks for your contribution to the discussion. But, when I interviewed for my previous congregation, the chair of the search committee said to the congregation that they were hiring me not Cheryl and that she would find her place.
What we discovered later was that not everyone was on the same page and that pastor's wives had been harrassed from some quarters for years! But, you have to state it up front and then hope for the best!!!
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sara
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