The Flawed Family of God (Carolyn Helsel & Song-Mi Suzie Park) -- A Review

 

THE FLAWED FAMILY OF GOD: Stories about the Imperfect Families in Genesis. By Carolyn B. Helsel and Song-Mi Suzie Park. Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2021. ix + 146 pages.

                We hear a lot of talk in Christian circles about biblical family values. Wouldn’t it be nice if we can return to those values? Of course, what is meant by biblical family values often has little to do with the Bible and more to do with 1950s family values back when "Father Knows Best." In truth, biblical families, like modern families, were complex, imperfect, and sometimes contentious. We only need to look at the Book of Genesis to see how this works. So, what might the Bible have to say to us about family life? If we look back to the Book of Genesis we might find words of wisdom, but probably not the family values prized by those who have made them a political platform.

                Two scholars who have taken up the challenge of discerning such a word of wisdom for modern families from the stories found in Genesis are Carolyn Helsel and Song-Mi Suzie Park. Helsel and Park are colleagues at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. While Helsel teaches preaching Park teaches Old Testament, and the two colleagues bring their expertise in these two fields to this particular conversation as they explore the stories of families present in Genesis. Though rooted in scholarship, The Flawed Family of God is written with a general audience in mind. Their intent here is to connect the biblical stories with contemporary concerns. In doing this, they are not proposing that we should look at these families as exemplars. Rather, they suggest that in these stories we will find lenses through which we can view our own complex family dynamics.

                Before they get to the biblical stories, they share with the reader their hermeneutical approach. That is, they tell us how they read the Bible. They point out that some people read the Bible as a sacred text while others read it as simply as an example of ancient literature. That is, it is understood to be a collection of ancient stories. Still others read the Bible devotionally, hoping to receive messages from God.

                As for these two authors, they read it relationally. They write that to read “the Bible ‘relationally’ means that we are in a relationship with the Bible. The God described in its pages reflects and is intertwined in complex ways with the God we know from personal experience and from the communities of faith who have surrounded us since our birth. We are in a relationship with these stories because they have been told to us from our youngest memories by people of our faith communities or traditions who also believe that is reflected in and through the stories in the Bible” (p. 3). To read the Bible, including Genesis, relationally is to “believe that God speaks to us through these stories.” However, God may speak in ways different from what we might first expect. Reading relationally and hearing in the text a word from God doesn’t mean we take everything literally or as a straightforward command. They remind us that to read relationally requires us first to differentiate between the Bible and God (they’re not the same) and it's okay to argue and disagree with the text. In doing so, we might hear a word from God. When it comes to learning about Biblical families in this way, we need to recognize that what we read is not a prescription for family life. It’s not a do-it-yourself manual. Instead, “rather than finding picture-perfect families in the Bible, we find mirrors of our own dysfunctional dynamics. And in those family portraits that the Bible presents us with, we see ourselves and the experiences of our loved ones, perhaps in new ways. And just as God was with those families, so too is God with us now, seeing us in our pain and struggles and wanting us to know God accompanies us” (pp. 4-5). This isn’t the way biblical family values are normally portrayed, but in my opinion, it’s a much better way to read scripture in connection with families.

                The book explores ten stories, beginning with the garden and the declaration that it is not good to be alone. So what does that mean? Is marriage mandated? What about singleness? Gender roles? So, what does the text say about the relationship of the first couple, and what are the implications?  After the departure from the Garden, the authors move on to the story of sibling rivalry, that is, the story of Cain and Abel. This story involves the murder of one brother by the other. They ask the hard question concerning the role God plays in this rivalry. Why does God prefer Abel’s offering over Cain’s? Of course, they leave us in the biblical story, they then invite us to use this story as a lens to explore contemporary sibling rivalries. We’ve had a murder and we’re just getting started.

                The next story involves Noah and his family. In this story, there is a family intervention after Noah gets drunk. Unfortunately, one of the sons of Noah—Ham—is cursed. The authors use this story to discuss the reality of family trauma. Remember they’re the survivors of a catastrophe and have to put their lives back together. This Noah is not necessarily a figure to emulate, but the story invites us to consider how we deal with trauma and intervene in the lives of family members.

                From Noah, we move to Abraham and his family. There are actually four chapters that deal with this specific immediate family. The first chapter, titled “Trailing Spouses (or Family Moves)” explores the story of Abram and Sarai as they pick up and leave their home and head for the land of Canaan. What happens to spouses when their spouse moves, especially as in Sarai’s case, she doesn’t seem to have been consulted. So, how might this story give us a way to discuss our own family moves? This chapter is followed by a conversation about infertility, telling the story of the relationship between Sarai and Hagar. Sarai wasn’t able to conceive and provide Abram the necessary heir, so she turned to surrogacy. But that presented its own set of problems. So, how do modern folks deal with infertility and how might this story provide an entry point. They write that “by letting these women’s experiences be the focus of a sermon or a small group study, perhaps more couples will be able to share in the sense that they are not alone, that others around them have already gone through this, and they can find comfort in the company” (p. 67).  The third story/chapter that involves Abram and his family invites us to consider the reality of blended families. Here Helsel and Park invite us to consider the relationship of Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, and Ishmael. They remind us that while we generally look to Abraham and Sarah as the patriarch and matriarch of Israel, they’re not the only members of the family. Not only is there Isaac, the son of Abraham and Sarah but there is also Hagar and her son Ishmael. Thus, this is a blended family, though not quite like a modern one, since polygamy is involved here. They note that “like so many stories from the Bible, the tale of this blended family does not offer solutions so much as an empathetic and very human glimpse into the complex nature of familial relationships” (p. 74). Finally, there is the story of Abraham’s attempted sacrifice of Isaac (chapter 7). It’s titled “Who will save Isaac?” Remember that Isaac is the promised child, the one whom God promised to Sarah. Now, Abraham goes off, apparently not telling Sarah what was about to take place, ready to offer up the child because he thinks he’s heard God ask him to do this. This story presents my problems and questions than answers. The question here concerns family dynamics, including abuse. Is Abraham really an exemplar of the life of faith as he’s so often portrayed? They suggest that we need to reconsider the story. I won’t reveal how they deal with the story, but it will provide an important entry point to a conversation about family dynamics. As you can see by these stories, biblical families are complex, even as we live in complex family configurations. No 1950s nuclear families here!

                With Isaac having been rescued by God, we can go on to the next generation. That takes us to Jacob, the son of Isaac and Rebekah, and his two wives Rachel and Leah. Helsel and Park use the stories of these two women to explore the idea of competitive parenting. The two sisters appear to engage in a contest that begins with a birthing context, with Rachel struggling with fertility issues while her sister is fertile but unloved. While the competition, which will include using surrogates, produces many sons, there are tragic consequences to the competition. The authors point out that while on the surface it appears that the two sisters are fighting for the love of a man to find significance if we read “the text with these women means listening to these larger cultural forces that led them to feel they needed to complete with one another, rather than support each other.” (p. 113). How might cultural forces pit parents and against parents in the search for significance? What makes for a good parent? It’s a question many of us face and too often we compete rather than support each other.

                Staying with Jacob, we turn to the reconciliation of adult siblings, using the story of Jacob and Esau as an entry point. They recount the story of Rebekah’s twins who from the womb were in competition, which in time leads to estrangement and flight on the part of Jacob. But in time there is an opportunity for reconciliation, though it’s an uneasy one (do the two brothers trust each other)? This story allows us to explore family wounds and the possibility of reconciliation, which is never easy. They point to the use of a gift exchange as the foundation for building trust.

                Helsel and Park use the stories of the deaths of Sarah and Rachel to explore the question of how we deal with death in our families. They note that the Bible is often reticent in giving details of a character’s death. That is especially true with how those who survive deal with loss. So, they suggest that "the silence of the text urges the reader to interrogate the stories more carefully in order to discover the ways in which the loss of a family member reverberates in the stories of those characters who are left behind” (p. 129). Sarah, of course, dies at an advanced age, so perhaps her death was not unexpected. As for Rachel, she died, as so many women in the ancient world, in childbirth. The deaths and the way the survivors engage with death differs, so the question then is how we process death in the family. Where is God in this? These are the kinds of concerns raised here at the end.

                In the conclusion, the authors confess that we might come to this point with more questions than answers. If so, then they have succeeded because they did not intend to give easy answers. Rather they wanted the reader to engage with the stories in such a way as to engage with their own situations.  As noted in the introduction, they had three goals in mind as they wrote the book, and they reiterate these goals at the conclusion. These are first that the biblical stories offer a “relevant reflection of and mirror of some of the pain and problems in our own world.” Secondly, they hope that we have “seen God reflected in and through these stories.” Finally, they hoped that the book would help the readers “deepen your relationships and make more meaningful connections with your families and friends” (pp. 141-142).   

                Once again, you will not find a prescription for modern family life based on these biblical stories in Helsel and Park's The Flawed Family of God. We are not encouraged to follow the example of really any of these particular characters. They’re all very flawed and their family relationships are flawed. Yet, as we engage these stories, we learn not just information about ancient peoples, we learn something about ourselves and God. The way to do this is not to embrace a literalist reading of the text or dismiss the text as just a collection of ancient stories. Instead, we can read it relationally and expect to find God present in some form in the interaction with the stories. These two co-authors who bring their own experiences in life, as well as their expertise as scholars, to the task at hand, offer us a gift that might help us better understand ourselves and the way we live in our very complex families.