Those Changing Marriage Customs—Lectionary Reflection for Pentecost 9A/Proper 12A (Genesis 29)

Jacob and Rachel by Frank Wesley 

Genesis 29:15-28 New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition

¹⁵ Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?” ¹⁶ Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. ¹⁷ Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was graceful and beautiful. ¹⁸ Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” ¹⁹ Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.” ²⁰ So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.

²¹ Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.” ²² So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast. ²³ But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her. ²⁴ (Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her maid.) ²⁵ When morning came, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?” ²⁶ Laban said, “This is not done in our country—giving the younger before the firstborn. ²⁷ Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years.” ²⁸ Jacob did so and completed her week; then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel as a wife.

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                When we last met up with Jacob, he had awakened from a dream in which Yahweh had descended to earth on the “Stairway to Heaven” to remind Jacob, that while he might be on the run, he was the bearer of the covenant of blessing made with Abraham. That encounter with God took place while Jacob was on the run from his brother Esau, who was rather unhappy with the trick Jacob had played on him. That divine encounter took place during Jacob’s journey to Haran, where his Uncle Laban, brother of his mother Rebekah, lived. Isaac had sent Jacob there to not only escape the wrath of his brother but to obtain a wife from his own people (unlike Esau who married one of the local Canaanite women) (Gen. 28:10-22).

                When Jacob arrived at Haran he stopped at a well where he met a woman who would eventually become his wife, his cousin Rachel. When Rachel introduced her cousin to her father, he was delighted to receive his nephew, who was, according to Laban “my bone and my flesh” (Gen. 29:1-14). And the rest is history, but of course, history can be complicated. This relationship would be complicated.     

                We pick up the story in verse 15 of Genesis 29. After Jacob had been with the family for a month, Laban decided to create a contract with Jacob, since they were kinsmen, Laban didn’t believe Jacob should work for him for nothing. So, he asked: what wages do you request in exchange for your labor? Jacob requested the hand of his daughter, whom he loved, in exchange for seven years of labor. Laban agreed to the terms. Of course, Laban had two daughters. There was Rachel, whom Jacob had met at the well, and Leah, the older of the two, whom we’re told had “lovely eyes.” She might have lovely eyes, but Rachel was “graceful and beautiful.” The introduction of Leah to the story serves as a sign that something is up, but what will it be?

                I want to stop here for a moment and address a question this passage raises. That question has to do with “biblical marriage.” We hear a lot in certain circles about biblical marriage and biblical family values, but the assumption among many is that “biblical marriage” looks a lot like the 1950s American nuclear family. That is, a family consists of a man/father, a woman/mother, and a couple of kids. If we read Scripture rather closely that image won’t withstand scrutiny. When it comes to a “scriptural” family structure, there are many, and few if any look like modern American families whether those of the 1950s or 2023.

                The first thing to notice here is that Laban wanted Jacob to work for him. He also wanted to negotiate a fair wage. As for Jacob, he needed a job since he couldn’t go home (remember Esau wants to kill him). If he was going to stay there, he would need to find a way to support himself. With that in mind, Jacob offered to work for seven years in exchange for the hand in marriage of Laban’s daughter Rachel. When Laban heard the terms, he was quite happy. This was a great bargain. He got seven years of labor from Jacob, and he could marry off his daughter as well. Two birds with one stone, you might say. As for Jacob, he got what he wanted. He got Rachel for a wife at a bargain price (as you might imagine since Jacob was a fugitive, he didn’t have much of a dowery). The only thing he had was his labor and the family connection).  With the contract agreed to, Jacob went off whistling to his heart's content. Now seven years might seem like a time, but according to Genesis, the years seemed to go by as if just a few days, “because of the love he had for her.”

                Finally, the big day came. Jacob had completed seven years of labor. Now it was time to claim his prize, the beautiful and graceful Rachel, the love of his life. So, Jacob went to Laban and told his uncle that he had fulfilled his contract so it was time for Laban to give him his wife so that he could finally go be with her (that is, it was time for him to finally consummate the relationship). Laban agreed and made plans for a wedding feast, inviting all of the friends and family in the neighborhood (I don’t think Esau was invited).  So, on the appointed day, everyone had a great time at the party.

                Then came the big moment, when Jacob would receive his prize. He would get to go into the tent and finally sleep with the promised bride. Oh, the joy! While Jacob got all excited about the big night, his Uncle Laban decided to play a little trick on him. Instead of sending Rachel into the tent, he went his older daughter Leah into sleep with Jacob, you know, the one with “lovely eyes.” Jacob performed his conjugal duties with his new bride, whom he assumed was Rachel. It must have been dark when the two of them met in the tent because Jacob was none the wiser. So, when Jacob woke up the next morning, he discovered that the woman lying next to him, the one he had consummated the marriage with, wasn’t Rachel. It was Leah. Thus, Jacob the trickster had himself been tricked.

                Now, you can understand why Jacob was angry at discovering that Laban had pulled this trick on him.  He had worked dutifully for seven years in exchange for the woman he loved, the beautiful and graceful Rachel. Now, he feels short-changed (you can imagine how the two sisters felt). He had paid the price (seven years of labor).

                A very angry Jacob went looking for Laban, demanding an explanation for why he had married Leah instead of Rachel. He asked Laban why he did this, after all, they had agreed that he would work seven years in exchange for Rachel. Now Laban had a ready response (I’m sure he expected Jacob to be angry at the switch). Laban told Jacob: “This is not done in our country—giving the younger before the firstborn.” In other words, he tells Jacob, “I don’t know how they do things in your neck of the woods, but here in Haran, the eldest daughter must get married before the younger.”  What Laban tells Jacob is that different places have different customs and marriage patterns. This is the way it was done there in Haran. Now, why Laban hadn’t told Jacob this before they struck the bargain isn’t revealed. Perhaps, in Laban’s mind, it would be unseemly for a younger sister to marry before the older one. It might send the wrong message. It might suggest that if Rachel preceded Leah in marriage that something might be wrong with Lean. This exchange reminds us that in this context a daughter is only worth what she can bring her father in a husband. And the author of this passage in Genesis makes it clear that physical attractiveness is an important quality in arranging a marriage. Might Laban have used the more beautiful Rachel as bait so he could marry off the less attractive Leah? The author of the passage doesn’t clue us in as to how the two sisters felt about this. Were they both in on the plan? In the end, Jacob receives both sisters. It appears that Laban told Jacob if he agreed to spend a week with Leah, he would receive Rachel (probably without a party) as long as he agreed to work another seven years for Laban.

                Earlier in this reflection I stopped to note that we often hear in certain circles conversations about biblical marriage. By that, the usual assumption is that biblical marriage looks something like a 1950s American middle-class family. The story of Jacob and his wives (we have two so far, and he’ll get two more as the story continues).  The story of Jacob and his wives reminds us that customs and values change over time and are culturally contextual. For one thing, Jacob is encouraged to marry his first cousin so that things stay in the family. He has multiple wives. He also purchases them. Laban might seem like he was a trickster, but he had his reasons for switching sisters. He needed to make sure Leah wasn’t left out of the marriage game. He had to think of her welfare as well as that of Rachel.

                Now there is much more to this story, as in time we see the emergence of sibling rivalry between the two sisters. Jacob loves Rachel and ignores Leah (Gen.29:30). But Leah has children while Rachel doesn’t. This leads to the giving of servants to Jacob as surrogates for the two sisters. Ultimately, Rachel will have two sons, giving Jacob twelve sons in all. The good news, the legacy of Abraham will continue for another generation. On the other hand, we see the presence of patriarchy here, with its problematic patterns. Thus, we see the challenges of embracing “biblical marriage” (On the question of changing customs and values, see Chapter 1 of my book Marriage in Interesting Times).

                Several issues are present in this reading that demand our attention, beginning with the question of deception. We know that Jacob is a deceiver since he deceived Esau to get the birthright. But, Laban is one as well. So, while we honor Jacob as an ancestor of our faith, it’s clear that he (as well as Laban) is not necessarily always a good example of faithfulness (though he was loyal to Laban at least to a point—later on Jacob will pull one on Laban). The marriage question is probably the more pertinent question for us here. Some would say that things had changed between the time of Jacob and his marriages and Jesus' era (not Jesus' marriages, as far as we know, despite some novelizations, he wasn't married). But while change had taken place, are first-century customs closer to ours or that of Jacob? First-century cultures were just as patriarchal as ones centuries earlier. Both sisters in this story are pawns in a larger power struggle between Laban and Jacob.  Ultimately, this story raises the important question of how we read Scripture in very different ages. Modern marriages, at least in the West, are quite different from the ones depicted in Scripture. So, perhaps a passage like this can serve as a conversation starter as to how customs and patterns change over time. With that in mind, perhaps we can have a more fruitful conversation about same-sex marriage. Some would say this goes against tradition, but traditions change. Even a century ago it was common in Europe and the United States for first cousins to marry, as was true for Jacob with Rachel and Leah. That is no longer true. Second cousins maybe, but never first cousins.

                I will close with these words from my book Marriage in Interesting Times:

It is clear that when it comes to marriage and family, the biblical story offers us a complex picture. If this is true, then what can we learn from this ancient sacred text that could speak to our day? Must we, to be faithful to our roots, restore biblical patterns? Or can we look to these stories and theological statements as a starting point for a conversation that can strengthen covenant relationships and enable those, who for whatever reason, are not in such a relationship to find a sense of fulfillment and purpose? [Marriage in Interesting Times, p.5].

I would venture to guess that we would have few takers when comes to the patterns described here in Genesis 29, but perhaps that’s the point. As Laban told Jacob, in that community, they had certain ways of doing things. Might we say the same thing in our contexts? 

Image Attribution: Wesley, Frank, 1923-2002. Jacob and Rachel, from Art in the Christian Tradition, a project of the Vanderbilt Divinity Library, Nashville, TN. https://diglib.library.vanderbilt.edu/act-imagelink.pl?RC=59200 [retrieved July 19, 2023]. Original source: Estate of Frank Wesley, http://www.frankwesleyart.com/main_page.htm.