Better than Normal: Virtues for an Off-Script Life. (MaryAnn McKibben Dana) - Review
What is "normal"? Normal seems to be that middle
ground against which we judge everything else. So, am I normal or not? That is
the question we often ask ourselves as we compare ourselves to those around us.
As we ponder these kinds of questions, we might want to ask whether it is possible
to live "better than normal." After all, there are a lot of people
who do not fit within what society often deems normal. Race, gender, social
class, sexual orientation, chronic illness, disabilities, mental health issues,
and neurodiversity are all factors that can complicate what it means to be
"normal." With that complexity in view, might there be a better way
of living? Might there be virtues we can build upon for what is an
"off-script life"?
As to whether it is possible to
live Better Than Normal, MaryAnn McKibben Dana invites us to consider
the virtues derive from an “Off-Script Life.” In her book Better Than Normal: Virtues for an Off-Script Life, Dana offers us a helpful response
to the complex reality that defines human existence. She approaches the topic of what it means to
live a better-than-normal life from the perspective of being a pastor who
currently serves as associate pastor of Trinity Presbyterian Church (PCUSA) of
Herndon, Virginia. Writing from that perspective, she approaches the topic of
normality pastorally, but also from the perspective of being a parent of a
child who experienced a mental-health crash during adolescence. This is
something that many parents have dealt with, often feeling alone and perhaps
embarrassed. After all, isn’t the “normal” child the holy grail of parentage?
MaryAnn McKibben Dana offers us in her
book a response to our very individualistic society, where people are supposed
to fix what ails them so they can fit into the “normal” box. But this is not an
easy task for many people who struggle with what life brings them, so thriving
in life can be a challenge. With this as the background, Dana asks a pertinent
question: "What if, in fact, there's no such thing as normal? How might
such an idea be liberating for all of us?" (p. 4). That question drives
what we find in Dana’s Better than Normal. Along with that question, we
find in the book a call to pursue a world that does not yet exist, a world where
we can find "greater empathy, creativity, and an ability to live freely
and more abundantly no matter what life throws at us" (p. 5). If only!
Dana divides her book into two
parts, each with three chapters. Part 1 focuses on "Individual
Values" and Part 2 addresses "Communal Values." Each of the
chapters takes us from one value set to another. Thus, Chapter 1 takes us
"From Certainty to Curiosity." Certainty can prove limiting and create
anxiety and self-doubt, while curiosity invites questions, a willingness to
learn, and a receptivity to ideas that are other than our own. Chapter 2 moves
"From Comfort to Courage." Comfort seeks safety, while courage
embraces risk even in the midst of uncertainty. Finally, Chapter 3 moves "From
Productivity to Presence." In this third chapter, Dana notes that “Productivity
wants us to see our bodies as tools to be utilized, while presence invites us
to treat ourselves with kindness even when we haven’t proved ourselves
adequately ‘useful’” (p. 61).
When we move to Part 2, focusing on
"Communal Values," the chapters move "From Artifice to
Authenticity" (Chapter 4); From Blandness to Beauty" (Chapter 5), and
"From Competition to Community" (Chapter 6). As you can see from each
of the chapter titles, this movement requires us to drop the pretense of
"normality" as we seek to live authentically. Living flourishing
lives will require that we embrace beauty and recognize that competition doesn’t
lead to lives that thrive. Instead, that will require community.
One thing a reader will notice with
Better than Normal is that Dana focuses on shifting us from embracing highly
individualistic, competitive values to more communal ones. This is difficult to
accomplish in a highly capitalistic environment that prizes competition and
productivity. This requires certainty, comfort, as well as productivity, if one
is to "succeed" in this society. The problem is that people don't
always fit perfectly into these categories. Even though we prize individualism
in our society, our cultural values work against what we prize. In essence,
what we prize is uniformity. We see this in the presence of artifice, where we
pretend to be something other than we are to fit in. We embrace blandness
rather than beauty, because again, we want to fit in. The virtues that Dana
lifts up, however, redefine "normality" such that people are free to
bring their life experiences and realities into the community, not as
competitors but as participants in a larger conversation called life.
MaryAnn McKibben Dana’s Better than Normal: Virtues for an Off-Script Life is a really beautiful book that
speaks to where so many people find themselves, especially parents of children
who do not fit society’s definition of normal. Such definitions of normal often
create straitjackets that lock people into certain roles and identities.
However, if we can set these definitions aside and embrace virtues that create
a different sense of normal, we may all find ourselves in a better place where
we can flourish. As for the audience of this book, I believe it should find
usage in local congregations and other settings, where it can serve as the
foundation for important conversations about what it means to flourish. Although
it will take courage on our part, we can break out from the straitjackets that
define what society has deemed "normal." To that end, there is a
discussion guide to help with this effort to discern a life that is Better
than Normal.
Copies of Better than Normal may be purchased at your favorite retailers, including my Amazon Affiliate and my Bookshop.org affiliate.
Comments