Wounded Pastors: Navigating Burnout, Finding Healing, and Discerning the Future of Your Ministry (Carol Howard & James Fenimore) -- A Review
WOUNDED PASTORS: Navigating Burnout, Finding Healing, and Discerning the Future of Your Ministry. By Carol Howard and James Fenimore. Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press, 2024.x + 174 pages.
I'm a survivor. That is, I stayed in pastoral ministry until
I retired from full-time ministry at age 63. Actually, there were several such
moments when I wondered whether I was cut out for pastoral ministry, but the
most compelling moment of wonderment came at the end of my first full-time
pastoral role. First one of the leaders in the church suggested I get
vocational counseling since she felt I was not equipped for ministry. Shortly
thereafter, I was asked to resign (a movement led by the same leader). Several
reasons were given such as my failure to grow the church as well as my failure
to be sufficiently patriotic after 9-11. Instead of choosing the “Star Spangled
Banner” or maybe the “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” I chose hymns of healing
and grace. After that moment I truly did wonder if I should continue to pursue
pastoral ministry. After all, I had hoped to spend my career in academia. I
also wondered whether interfaith community organizing might be in my future.
Ultimately, I experienced healing and continued in pastoral ministry until my
retirement. Now, I did retire during COVID-19, though I had already announced
my impending retirement shortly before COVID-19 hit with a vengeance (a matter
of weeks). While I didn't retire because of COVID-19, I know that many pastors
did walk away, having been deeply wounded by congregations that failed to
understand the challenges of the moment. Years ago, Henri Nouwen published a
book that many of us in ministry read (at least clergy of my generation). That
book was titled The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society.
The gist of the book suggested that our wounds provide a foundation for
ministry. While that may be true, not all wounds are the same.
I offer this personal account as a
preface to my review of Wounded Pastors: Navigating Burnout, FindingHealing, and Discerning the Future of Your Ministry, authored by Carol
Howard and James Fenimore. Howard is well known to many for her books and
speaking events, and for good reason. She is a thoughtful writer and speaker as
well as a dedicated Presbyterian pastor. She brings to this book her own experiences
of woundedness in ministry. For this book, she is joined by James Fenimore, a
United Methodist minister and therapist. He too has experienced woundedness in
ministry. While they have experienced moments of woundedness, this book isn't
just about them. As they explore the realities of woundedness among clergy they
draw upon numerous stories from other pastors who have experienced forms of
woundedness that illustrate what woundedness looks like, while offering words
of hope that clergy might experience healing to thrive in ministry. By bringing
these stories into the conversation we may find situations that are like our
own. The variety of stories is important. Having experienced healing myself in
the pastorate that followed the one from which I resigned, I know that there is
hope for healing. Knowing this to be true, I’m grateful to Carol Howard and
James Fenimore for providing a path toward healing and a continuing future in
ministry.
Carol Howard reveals in the
Introduction that after she wrote Healing Spiritual Wounds:Reconnecting with a Loving God After Experiencing a Hurtful Church in
response to the woundedness experienced by church members, she heard from
frustrated clergy who were concerned that she didn't deal with the wounds
experienced by clergy at the hands of the churches they had served. While the
former book was geared toward laypeople who had been wounded by their churches,
this book is directed at clergy who have been wounded by the churches they
served. She is joined in this effort by James Fenimore who brings not only his
wisdom as one who has been wounded but his experience and expertise as a
psychotherapist who has counseled wounded clergy. Now, they make it clear that
they have geared this book to healthy pastors. That is, they are not writing to
help narcissistic and sociopathic clergy, that is, the ones who wound
congregations, feel better about themselves.
The authors divide the ten chapters
of Wounded Pastors into three parts. Part One is titled
"Identifying Our Pain." Part Two is titled “Healing Our Lives.”
Finally, Part Three is titled “Nurturing Our Growth.” At the end of each
chapter, the authors provide a series of “Reflection Prompts” that invite the
reader to look inward and take stock of our own situations in ministry.
In Part One, “Identifying Our
Pain,” Howard and Fenimore start in Chapter 1 by laying the foundations for the
discussion that follows. They take note of the impact of COVID-19 on clergy, as
well as revealing their own experiences of woundedness. In essence, they let
the reader know that they come at this question of woundedness from the
perspective of being wounded themselves. That is, they are themselves wounded
healers. They acknowledge both the challenges posed by COVID-19, but also the
challenges of ministry in general. Thus, out of their own experiences and those
of others, they offer a balm of healing to "pastors who feel burned-out
and wounded, even as we know that we often have the best job in the world"
(p. 13). Having laid out the challenges of ministry, in Chapter 2 they explore
the need for "Finding Our People." By “our people” they mean finding
and developing healthy relationships beyond the congregations clergy serve.
They note that it is generally not healthy for clergy to look to their congregations
as their primary friendship circle. There are numerous reasons for this,
including the need to have friendships that are mutual and can continue beyond
one's call. With this need for developing healthy relationships, they explore different
types of friendships and forms of connection using the principles of Bowen
Family Systems Theory. We who are clergy know that loneliness can set in,
especially in rural areas, where it can be difficult to develop friendships
outside the congregation. It can even be difficult for clergy to develop friendships
with other clergy. But they offer some suggestions as to how clergy go about
doing this. One of the reasons we need to do this is when congregations wound
us, we need support groups. Obviously, a wounding congregation can’t provide
that support. In Chapter 3 Howard and Fenimore show us how telling our own
stories can help us navigate experiences of woundedness, for in telling our
stories we can define ourselves as individuals while making sense of trauma
triggers. To do this we'll need to dedicate time to the process of laying out
stories and then find story holders. That is, people who will listen to our
stories and hold them close. Together with telling our stories, they invite us
to identify our context. In other words, they speak of identifying the systems
we inhabit, including our families, our churches, and other groups we are part
of. Again, this is addressed using systems theory. As we do this, we can better
understand our experiences of anxiety, as well as develop different forms of leadership
for ministry, including technical and adaptive forms of leadership.
Howard and Fenimore title Part Two "Healing
Our Lives." This section includes three chapters, beginning with
"Recognizing Our Reactions" (Chapter 5). In this chapter, the authors
ask us to consider whether we over-function, trying to do everything to please
the powers or do we get so bogged down that we give up and under-function. Or perhaps
we find ourselves experiencing triangulation. As we identify the way we react
to woundedness, they share how clergy can become a “less anxious presence.” They
note that they have learned that “reducing anxiety comes from deflecting blame,
attending to our workload, flattening triangles through more one-on-one
communication, and building support” (p. 80). Another step in healing our lives
involves setting boundaries (Chapter 6). Boundaries come in a variety of forms,
and not just sexual ones. The key is self-differentiation and understanding the
need for boundaries without setting rigid ones. Finally, in Chapter 7 they
speak of forgiving one's antagonist. That's not easy, as I've discovered from
experience. But forgiveness comes in different forms and cannot undermine
accountability. The process of forgiveness involves giving oneself gifts, including
giving oneself time, permission to feel, justice, and forgiveness to oneself. Remember
forgiving doesn’t include forgetting, at least not usually. Thus, they
recommend gathering the support network and telling one’s story as the
beginning of the process.
In Part Three Howard and Fenimore
invite us to move from healing wounds to "Nurturing Our Growth." This
section includes three chapters that begin in Chapter 8 with "Reclaiming
Our Meaning." Here they draw on Victor Frankl, whose experiences in the
Nazi camps influenced his view of reality. The goal here is to reframe and
refocus our perspectives regarding ourselves and the churches we serve. Thus,
we can move from victim to survivor. Chapter 9 invites us to consider whether
to renew or release our call. Do we stay or do we leave? There is no right
answer here. Some stay and others leave. That’s okay. Finally, in Chapter 10
they note that even wounds that heal still leave a trace. Thus, we who are
wounded remain “Walking Wounded.” In the course of this discussion, Howard and
Fenimore point out that in the resurrection stories, Jesus retains his wounds.
They are part of his identity but do not define him. With this in mind, the
authors write that “Identifying, healing, and growing from traumatic
experiences is a long and painful process. The messy wounds will forever mark
us, but they do not ultimately define us. Yet—this is very important—the
benefits of growth are vital and life-giving” (p. 165).
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