Sex and Marriage Go Together -- Part 1
In the first creation story, after
God created humankind, both male and female, God told them to be “fruitful and
multiply” (Genesis 1:28). This command
implies sex. In the second creation
story we are told that “a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to
his wife, and they become one flesh.” It
is possible, though not necessary, that this statement implies a sexual
relationship. It could also suggest the
merging of families.
From a strictly biological
perspective, sex is a normal part of human experience. It is the means by which humans
procreate. But sex isn’t just about
procreation. Sex can also be about
pleasure. That too might have an
evolutionary element to it. If it were
not a pleasurable experience, then it’s likely that humans would forgo it. That would lead to the demise of the human
race.
From a strictly biological
perspective, one needn’t be married to have sex or to procreate. Many have sex outside of marriage, even if
there are taboos against it. It’s not
just in recent years that people of engaged in sex outside marriage. It’s only that some of the rules of
loosened. In many ways, the rules
generally only applied to women. Rarely
will you see a man charged with adultery.
But as we’ve seen in the ancient world, women were seen as
property. A woman who had sex outside of
a prescribed relationship was considered spoiled property. We don’t think of women as property anymore –
or at least I hope we don’t, despite quaint customs like a father giving away
the bride to her new husband.
Although we may have moved beyond
the idea that women are property, there are valid reasons for setting certain
boundaries for sexual behavior. In the
ancient world the relationship between husband and wife was generally
unequal. The same was true, ironically,
in the way same-relationships were practiced in Greek and Roman culture.
The question of sexuality and
spirituality has long been a matter of debate.
There have been in some religions fertility cults, in which sex was used
as a talisman to encourage the gods to bless the land with fertility – not just
children, but the flocks and the crops as well.
Many of the prohibitions in the Hebrew Bible, which were later brought
into the New Testament, are responses to these fertility cults. At the same time, there have been faith
groups that have believed that sexuality and spirituality were
incompatible. Sex was considered too
carnal and earthy. Therefore a spiritual
person would want to avoid such corruption.
Such views, often Gnostic in their roots, have led to the development of
monastic celibacy. It appears that such
a view had permeated a rather conflicted Corinthian Church. Certain members of the community had gotten
it in their head that true spirituality required sexual abstinence (1Corinthians 7:5). This was true, they
believed, whether one was married or not.
However, some of the members had begun to act unbecomingly – had
problems with sex. Some of the church
members were acting in ways that were unbecoming to the community, by seeking
sexual satisfaction outside of the marriage relationship (perhaps by visiting
local prostitutes).
Our understandings of sexuality,
even if we embrace sex as part of marriage, have often been colored by this
view of sex as being carnal (and even dirty).
Men are supposed to like it, women don’t. A vision of sexuality that has influenced
many though the years is exemplified in a prayer of St. Augustine.
Truly it is by continence that we
are made as one and regain that unity of self which we lost by falling apart in
the search for a variety of pleasures.
For a man loves you so much the less if, besides you, he also loves
something else which he does not love for your sake. O Love ever burning, never quenched! O Charity, my God, set me on fire with your
love! You command me to be
continent. Give me the grace to do as
you command, and command me to do what you will![1]
It is, therefore, not surprising that a portion of scripture
that celebrates sexuality, like Song of Songs, is read allegorically so that Christians
might experience its spiritual message and not be brought down to the carnal
level.
It has
normally been assumed that marriage involves a sexual relationship. We talk about a marriage being
consummated. In some traditions an
unconsummated marriage can be annulled – that is, according to this
understanding, the marriage never occurred.
It’s not the wedding ceremony or the license; it’s the sexual
relationship that defines marriage.
Remember the story of Jacob and Leah.
He might protest that the woman he slept with was not the woman he
intended to marry (Rachel), but since he slept with Leah, she was his
wife (Genesis 29). One of the reasons for this is
that a woman considered property, and if she had slept with a man, not her husband,
or was rejected by a prospective husband, then she would be spoiled or damaged
goods. A man could sow his seeds with relative
impunity, but once a woman had been with a man she essentially belonged to
him. We no longer, at least in western
culture view women in the same way (it is hoped). Though there are still elements of this
understanding present in subtle forms.
Men are still freer to be sexually active outside marriage than are
women.
[1]
Augustine, Confessions (Penguin
Classics), R.S. Pine-Coffin, trans., (New
York: Penguin Books, 1961), p. 233.
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